Lunch Time!

So, last week my son made me this.  It was the first day of school.  He’s going into 8th grade – big man of middle school…and he made his momma a sandwich for lunch.  Awwww… It was the sweetest thing.  I loved it: turkey, a huge slice of Velveeta cheese and a glob of mayo. “Mmmmm, yummy” is what I said.  But having already gained 10 lbs from the fertility medication, I stored it in the office fridge for 3 days , eating a slice each day.  This is only a glimpse of the sweet children I have.  Don’t get me wrong, they are 2 typical teenage boys with their own sets of issues.. but it’s these little things that make my heart melt!  And melt it does!!  I spent half the day in the office bathroom crying the day he gave me that sandwich…  Was it the hormones?  Am I dreading the Empty Nest syndrome?  Was it just the stress of everything going on?  (Are you confused?)

Well, you see, I just got married a little over a year ago.  Like many newlyweds you start making plans – house, baby, family…etc.  Well, it didn’t happen as planned.  By recommendation from my OBGYN to see a fertility specialist, we began a series of fertility treatments… in a nutshell: I have been on hormones for OVER a year!  (And don’t get me started on the house situation; I’m sure many can relate to how difficult it is to sell a condo in our economy these days!)

Secondly, I’ll just give you a brief synopsis of the Stage 1 Empty Nest Syndrome that’s creeping up on me.  We have been living on the East Coast for 14 years and 9 years ago, my ex-husband moved back to our home-town, on the West Coast.  My boys spend their summers with them every year.   And this year my son, the sweetheart 8th grader, comes back with a birthday card for me!  In the card, it very lovingly says, “Mom, I love you and I’m here for you no matter what happens.”  So I turn to him and say, “if what happens?”  And he so sweetly says, “well if I decide to move back to the West Coast.”  Hmmm, that wasn’t a shock, I have always figured they might eventually want to move to our home-town.  But that was not the type of birthday card I expected!  However, it did get me thinking…. If the boys leave, and the fertility treatment doesn’t work…. Besides my husband, I won’t have any family here on the East Coast.  And that’s where the thoughts started pouring in….

Where do I go from here?  I need to prepare myself for the worst case scenario.  And this is why I started to blog.  If you have comments, advice, your own blog to share, I’d be happy to read up!  This somehow seems like a new path in my life.. but I’m just not sure of where it’s headed!

A Little About Me

When you’re younger, you look at your people of influence and wish “I had a story”.  Something interesting that others might be able to relate to.  And something that would define you – separate you from others.  My teenage son came to me recently and said, “Mom, I wish I had a story.. ” and my first reaction was, “son, you don’t want to chase a story, just live your life and enjoy yourself.”  Well, looking back, I have a story, not much of what I want to tell.  But I’m sure a little of that will come out here and there as I share my thoughts with you.  And perhaps you can share some of your story with me.

The reason why I want to start writing… well, there are 2 major things I am going through right now: 1) As my 2 teenage boys grow a foot by the day, my ‘Empty Nest’ syndrome has suddenly kicked in. 2) This month, marks a year of trying to conceive with a fertility specialist and next month we will be doing IVF.. in what feels like my last hope.

So I hope in this I can find laughter, hope, and sanity.