So, last week my son made me this. It was the first day of school. He’s going into 8th grade – big man of middle school…and he made his momma a sandwich for lunch. Awwww… It was the sweetest thing. I loved it: turkey, a huge slice of Velveeta cheese and a glob of mayo. “Mmmmm, yummy” is what I said. But having already gained 10 lbs from the fertility medication, I stored it in the office fridge for 3 days , eating a slice each day. This is only a glimpse of the sweet children I have. Don’t get me wrong, they are 2 typical teenage boys with their own sets of issues.. but it’s these little things that make my heart melt! And melt it does!! I spent half the day in the office bathroom crying the day he gave me that sandwich… Was it the hormones? Am I dreading the Empty Nest syndrome? Was it just the stress of everything going on? (Are you confused?)
Well, you see, I just got married a little over a year ago. Like many newlyweds you start making plans – house, baby, family…etc. Well, it didn’t happen as planned. By recommendation from my OBGYN to see a fertility specialist, we began a series of fertility treatments… in a nutshell: I have been on hormones for OVER a year! (And don’t get me started on the house situation; I’m sure many can relate to how difficult it is to sell a condo in our economy these days!)
Secondly, I’ll just give you a brief synopsis of the Stage 1 Empty Nest Syndrome that’s creeping up on me. We have been living on the East Coast for 14 years and 9 years ago, my ex-husband moved back to our home-town, on the West Coast. My boys spend their summers with them every year. And this year my son, the sweetheart 8th grader, comes back with a birthday card for me! In the card, it very lovingly says, “Mom, I love you and I’m here for you no matter what happens.” So I turn to him and say, “if what happens?” And he so sweetly says, “well if I decide to move back to the West Coast.” Hmmm, that wasn’t a shock, I have always figured they might eventually want to move to our home-town. But that was not the type of birthday card I expected! However, it did get me thinking…. If the boys leave, and the fertility treatment doesn’t work…. Besides my husband, I won’t have any family here on the East Coast. And that’s where the thoughts started pouring in….
Where do I go from here? I need to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. And this is why I started to blog. If you have comments, advice, your own blog to share, I’d be happy to read up! This somehow seems like a new path in my life.. but I’m just not sure of where it’s headed!
