Whyyy????

I’m writing this post from a little waiting room next to the X-ray room at the ER. Why, might you ask..

My son, bless his heart, got kneed (spelling?) in the rib while making a tackle. So he was in much pain. But I am totally blaming the reason for this post on the unknowing and seemingly sincere nurse who asked me if I wanted to accompany my son to the X-ray room. Of course my first instinct is Yes. Then she asked me the dreaded question “is there a chance you could be pregnant?” And that is when I froze. My son looking at me, various answers running through my mind.. all I could answer was.. “um, maybe I don’t know” (sigh). Now my son thinks I could be preggo, which I am probably not. I more likely answered out of fear.. like when my mom used to ask “how did you do on that exam?” And I’d quickly answer “good”. In reality I crammed, I have no idea it could be really great or I could have bombed…. Well now I must wait patiently for my son to come out so that I can backtrack my words to cover that up!

Sparkles Can Be Deceiving

A big reason for starting a blog was, regardless of my child or childless status, I wanted to find myself.  Part of that was the style that got hidden under my gym shorts and mom jeans…figuratively speaking, of course… cause I don’t go to the gym and I only have ONE pair of mom jeans. 😉

Anyway, since I am always looking for chic, yet purse-friendly, items. I want to start posting my finds.  I like to go by the ‘$20 and under’ rule.  But there are SO many exceptions to this rule.

See the black under my toes.. those are Insoles I thought would help my situation!

See these cute Shoes from Hell??  I bought them for my friend’s wedding which SHE looked gorgeous in, by the way.  But our bridesmaids’ dresses were $280. And with the cost of our flight, hotel, and so on, I was on a mission to find the least expensive accessories possible! Well, I found these at Payless Shoes for $20 + some change and they had a LITTLE scuff mark so they took 20% off.  (Did I mention I am a coupon/discount-crazed woman??) 

Well, its been 3 months since the wedding and I have forgotten how PAINFUL they felt while standing next to my ‘big sis’ (as I call her) during her 30 minute ceremony.  I forgot how the straps cut into the middle of my inner foot like a dull knife as I deliberate on if I should take them off and stand on top of them or wait it out until, hopefully, my feet go numb.

I’ve forgotten….Until, I decided to wear them last night to a 4-hour concert!

Background: Ok, I am loving this new up-and-coming West Coast rap artist named Kendrick Lamar.  I don’t listen to rap.  I love R&B, Jazz, Pop, and the Oldies but Goodies.  But they intro’d a few songs on Satellite radio and I was hooked.  Hubby likes his music too.  So, we found out he was in concert here and jumped on some VIP tickets.

#1 Why did I, a 33-year-old, decide to get dressed up for a concert that mainly 18-23 year-olds would attend?? (they were all in jeans and sneakers, some girls with no make-up – darn them, they still looked cute!!)

#2 Why did I think we would be able to sit down at this venue for a rap concert at a local club? (VIP was just a higher-level which we could see over the crowd)

#3 Why did I think it would be as punctual as, say, the New Edition concert we attended in the Seattle Area? (It started at 7 and ended at 9:30, on the dot)

Answer to #1, #2, #3: I DON’T KNOW, AND NOW I FEEL OLD!!

Back to the shoes… standing in these shoes for 4 hours brought all sorts of feelings:  At first, I was working it, showing off my cute pedicured toes. They were comfy (as they deceived me at the Payless Shoe Store). Then I thought, ok a standing line down the block, no problem-o. I can lean on one foot let the other rest and vice versa. As we walked in, no seats, pain was not too bad, I can handle it.  1 hour later: I want to throw up, the room is getting dark, my feet are throbbing!!!

I ended up going for option #2 of my initial deliberation: take them off then stand on top of them.  And that, folks, is how I got through the 4-hour concert.

Note to self: Write Post-It notes on all heels on how long I can stand in them.  These will be “30-Minute” shoes.

Bathroom Dilemmas

Excuse the hair, my hair gets everywhere

Ahhh, the age-old conflict between man and woman…. he squeezes, you slide. He likes it under, you like it on top.   What do you think I’m talking about? Toothpaste and toilet paper of course!

I’ve heard of major arguments stemming from these two innocent bathroom fixtures. They can’t help but cause confusion, after all, there are no instructions on how to consume them.  And at times it can be so confusing! I will share something embarrassing: one day, I was reloading the toilet paper.  For some reason I could not figure out how to get it to get the paper to roll over.  Rotating and rotating the stupid little tube.  I had to sit and look at it for a second thinking, why is this so difficult?? When it suddenly came to me, flip it over! DUH.  Now, I can say we both agree on the toilet paper roll issue.

But the one thing we do NOT agree on is toothpaste.  Can you guess which one is mine?  Well I can tell you a little about our personalities.. he’s a laid back, ‘it’s all going to work itself’ out type of guy.  And I’m an orderly, ‘have processes and post-its for everything’ type of gal.  Our solution: Get Two.

Can’t agree on toothpaste? We have 2.  Don’t watch the same shows on TV? His DVR is in the Living Room, mine is in the bedroom.  Other issues work themselves out.  I love chocolate, he doesn’t care for it.  He loves strawberries, me not so much.  Our method of resolving the little things in life seems pretty easy right?  Are we avoiding some type of toothpaste and TV blow up in the future?  Probably.  But one can only hope either one of us never runs out of toothpaste!

Confession

I have a confession.. and I debated on if I should ‘Post” this or not, but for the sake of my ability to be transparent via ONE avenue (my blog) I must share this: Not even 2 weeks after my announcement of us taking a break, I just caught myself reading the 999 Reasons to Laugh at Fertility blog… then veering off to other Infertility websites, and of course visiting other Infertile Buddy blogs.

Most likely because my Mittelschmerz is always so prominent.  For those who are not familiar, Mittelshmerz (I don’t know how to pronounce it) is the pain some women get when ovulating.  For me, it is sometimes more painful than my actual menstrual cramps.  It doesn’t last long, but it is surely painful.  Sometimes I feel like I need to lay down.  Today was one of those days.  And though we are on a break, how could I ignore this all-tell sign?

Well, without grossing you out, I nonchalantly found a way to convey my love for my husband without sounding like “Let’s Do This NOW!!!” although he knows me pretty well and could probably tell I wanted more than hugs and kisses at Half Time during the Florida State game. Yes, I tried my best to wait till Half Time at least.

Anyway, glad I’m a bit anonymous on this site cause I’m sure I’d get a few slaps on my wrist for even mentioning that I haven’t been true to my break from baby-making.  But I know I’m not alone in this, I’ve caught hubby in a few conversations as well.  Guess it has become a way of life for us.  We’ll try the best we can to RELAX as many would say “it might happen when you stop trying”…. (and all the Infertiles say……. “Riiiigggghhhtt”)

Blah

Is it possible to overdose on Prenatal Vitamins???

image

I’ve been sick for the past 3 days.. well my sons and I have been sick, and this morning my husband sneezed 2 times so I know its not time to put the Kleenex away yet. But being too lazy to get up, these prenatal vitamins (which taste like candy) are REALLY tempting right now.
Aside from my limited snacking options, here are my top ten reasons why I hate being sick:
10. The usual aches and pains

9. Looking around the house and watching it get messier and messier but being too tired to clean

8. Driving to work and having ‘drainage’ and no tissue or Kleenex around (won’t share my solution to that problem, not pretty)

7. Clearing out your DVR and not having anything to watch cause all the summer shows are over and the fall shows haven’t started yet

6. The da*n Cooking Channel makes me so hungry!

5. That imprint that stays across your nose after you peel off the Breathe-Right strip

4. That ugly red dry patch that forms under your nose from the constant wiping of snot

3. 2. (My eyes are getting heavy so I’ll just jump to #1)

#1. That Sharp feeling when you have to sneeze but you can’t so it sticks in the back of your head!

The Voice Muffler

Taken from Wikipedia – Snydley Whiplash, the Villain

Yesterday my son asked me if he could go to a football game, after I said no, he asked me if he could go “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah“…. After I finished paying the bills, I spent an hour calling his cell and looking around the neighborhood for him.  Then he came home and told me he went to his friend’s house in which it all came back to memory.

A few days ago, my husband told me that, “tomorrow, I’m going to wah, wah, wah,wah, wah.” (that’s my Snoopy voice) After I finished cooking, we sat down and had a nice dinner.  The next day he calls me at work and said, “it went pretty well.” And I quickly realized he had a job interview that morning.

Last week, my coworker told me she was, “at la, dee, dah, dee, dah.” I finally finished my reporting and, later on that day, walked down the hall to visit her.  She was not there.  I realized she was at the other office.

I need help! It’s an epidemic!! The Voice Muffler is on the prowl… He STRIKES my friends and family at any given moment… He DISTRACTS me with a major project and I am unable to save my loved ones from his villainous Muffling capabilities.  When I finally free myself of work, my dear family members are left to re-tell their once muffled stories.

Yes, I need help. Perhaps if I free myself of these projects, or take a second to look up while they’re talking, I can catch that vicious Voice Muffler before he strikes again!  We all have the power of Focus… and it penetrates the Muffler like no other…. So if any of you sees this dirty villain, use your powerful Focus quickly before he strikes your family too!

Dinner in Bed

Today was a long day.. it might as well have been Monday.  My eldest son just came home from College Night at school.  I could not participate because my younger son had football practice and hubby had to work (woo hoo for the new job!).  Thankfully my neighbor took him as her son attends the same school.  I was already in bed with my dinner: hummus and pita chips

Pita Chips and Garlic Hummus

I got up to greet him and noticed he was looking up a college in my hometown (across the country).  I felt I handled it pretty well, asking him if he plans to go there.  I had no argument since it is the college I’d planned to attend as a child. I listened to him talk about how his friend is from Seattle as well and how they both want to go to “U-dub”.

But these feelings I hate revisiting start bubbling up… my babies.. at this time, my only children.. May be leaving one day.  I have to think, if they planned to go away to a local college, would I be feeling this type of anxiety?  Probably so.  Maybe not at the same level but as a single mother for several years, they were my Only family here on the East Coast.

I had a great conversation a couple weeks ago with my “fertility counselor”.  She said, “if I tell you to stop getting dressed now what would you say?” (don’t worry this will make sense in a second) I responded, “I can’t I’m already dressed.”  She said, “ok, now what if I tell you to stop eating dinner?” Politely, I responded, “It’s not even dinner time yet.” Then she put it all together and reiterated what my son told me (in a previous post).  The past is the past, and the future is going to happen eventually but right now neither one exists.

So right now, I’m going to go to sleep and tomorrow morning I’m most likely going to take my son to school… then work, then pick up my son from the Fall Dance, then make dinner, then probably sit in bed with hummus and pita chips till I’m done watching my DVR, then go to sleep and start the next day all over again.

Sweet dreams 🙂

Ikea and the Cheap Date

Well, I have to say that this past weekend was what I truly needed: A Break!  Well, sort of.  We lived and breathed football, as usual.  But we managed to sneak in a few other things.  For one, I’ve been continuing my Fall Cleaning Project, and in my determination to make our little place look bigger, I set out to Ikea to pick up some mirrors!  I find it interesting how my children HATE going shopping with me. In fact, I have to bribe them to go to the grocery store with me, using a $5 spending limit on whatever their snacking hearts desire.  But….. when I mention IKEA, their faces light up and they are always willing and ready to go! Perhaps it’s the vibrant colors or the luring smell of Swedish meatballs but I dare not jinx it with my questioning!  For me, Ikea is like the Target of home decor stores.  I always go for one thing and come out spending $200 which somehow includes a piece of furniture.  But that day we bought exactly what we needed… Mirrors (pictures soon).

Later that evening, we planned to go on a date.  Since we are taking a break from the baby-making, we decided to go to a place called the Wine Room.  A small spot off of Park Ave about 15 min from our place.  This place has wine bottles racked as far and as wide as you can see.  Couches for relaxation, light music in the background (that evening was oldies R&B music), and a Cheese & Tapa bar in the middle.  As you walk in, you can purchase or reload a money card (sort of like a game card at Dave & Busters), they give you wine glasses, and set you free to taste away.  Along the walls are, for lack of better words, “vending machines” of wine bottles where you can choose to purchase 1, 2, or 3 ounces of your selection for a price per ounce.  Some as low as $1/oz. and others $15/oz. or more!  Let me just tell you, having Not a sip of alcohol for at least 6 months, I was a Cheap Date.. Yes, ladies and gents, after 6 oz. of the $1.50/oz Chocolate Raspberry wine, I was feeling happy.  Hubby was happy, we had a good evening 😉  NOTE: For those of you with a Sweet Tooth, I highly recommend Chocolate Cellar California Wine, it tastes like a Chocolate Raspberry Truffle.

“Screen Shot” taken from Google Maps, see the arrow on the floor? Courtesy of Google Maps

Finally, drum roll please……. we have decided that we found a ‘Home Church’! (A “Home Church” is one that we can finally settle down, get involved, go to regularly..etc. )  I must say, we have visited over 10 churches over the past 3 years.  And if you have had this experience, you can relate to how tiring it can be.  Sort of like dating, you want to give the new relationships a try, but if there is no chemistry you must search again.  but after 4 visits, I believe I can say we have found a church we love.

Though they are little tidbits from a great weekend, I can honestly say I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready for a great week!

And, I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as well 🙂

Life Postponed

How do I say this without breaking down in tears… For a lot of reasons, we have postponed our IVF indefinitely.  And perhaps its for good reason.  Maybe, just maybe it will happen next year.  But this year has not been our year.  Do you ever have a Season where everything just goes wrong?  Where you feel like you have nothing while everyone around you has everything??  This is our family.  But this hasn’t always been the case.  For 2010-2011, we had nothing but great news: Our engagement, my college graduation, my son’s 8th grade graduation, our wedding.  Not to mention endless vacations.. etc.  Thinking back, I may have been insensitive to others going through difficult times as we flaunted out announcements here and there.

But, this year, we definitely felt the dark side of the grass.  Doing everything possible to sell our condo/buy a house.  All doors seem like they have shut in our face.  Even in trying to refinance our condo, the difference in payments weren’t worth the trouble. Then we needed a new central air conditioner, then my husband lost his job… then….. well, you know the baby story.

So, due to circumstance, and with LOTS of consideration, we have decided to put off the IVF cycle and the baby making.. to recoup and regroup. Rehash and retrace our steps… and start life over next year.

Yesterday, during an appointment with my Chinese Medicine Doctor I broke down, it may be due to the technique she was using as she beat my shoulder with a stick till blisters surfaced.  But, nevertheless, I broke down in tears.  She knew how stressed I have been and she quietly said, “say, Jesus help me.”  And she kept saying that.  In the half hour I was there, she sat quietly and let me cry and when I wanted to hold it in she said to just let it out.  She prayed and cried with me.  And I just knew I was in the right place at the right time.

With all that being said, I will wait anxiously till next year because I have a feeling there is no other way to go but Up.

Lost and Found

The little joy of entering the blogging world is that you can type any topic in a search field and you automatically ‘follow’ posts of people who are thinking the exact thing you might be at the moment!  A couple weeks ago, I found myself in a Fall Cleaning Frenzy and I started following “Declutter”, “Cleaning”, and “Organizing” and my oh my did I get some great cleaning tips!

I have cleared out a lot of cluttered space and can finally breath a little.  The other benefit of decluttering is finding little treasures you forgot you had.  In my case, it was 5 disposable cameras.  I thought surely the pictures would be long gone, I hadn’t used a disposable camera in years!  They sat in my car for about a week because I couldn’t find a store that still develops film!  Finally coming across a CVS with a Photo Lab, I dropped them off and a couple hours later, I got the most precious, valuable pictures I could ever imagine.

I think he’s wearing a Halloween Costume

Boys at Summer Camp

Goofy Boys

The last picture is my absolute favorite.  The smiles and goofiness, the memories!  Several of the pictures I could not recall who was in them or where we were.  But, I am so happy to have found them!

Now… if I could only find a floppy disk drive somewhere, I next to the cameras were about 15 floppy discs with labels that say “Pictures.” I’m on a treasure hunt!