Pink

Today was a painful day for me.  Call it PMS (maybe, and hopefully not), I’m just an emotional wreck.  I saw Pink.  Not pretty pink, but pink that screams “your month is over!!”  This kind of pink that taunts me every month and steals away the hope I so cautiously gathered only a few weeks before.  Me and Pink don’t get along.  We’ve become very acquainted over the past 3 years.  For some reason, Red isn’t so condescending.. but Pink teases me as one is never sure if it means our hopes and dreams are about to come true.. or that we must wait a few more days to start the cruel cycle all over again.

The anxiety of Modified Natural IVF is creeping up on me.  I am more scared of this ‘next step’ as the time gets closer and closer.  This past month has been a ‘au naturale’ cycle.  We BD’d like crazy this month (sorry TMI)… but we thought maybe doing it naturally would work, as many advisors (online and in person) have sincerely said.  Miracles happen, right?

The way Modified Natural IVF works is that it uses the eggs I produce naturally (with the help of Femara).  And my fear is that though I’ve read that ladies may produce 1-3 eggs with the help of Femara, I’ve also heard/read that not all eggs get fertilized.  I’ve shared before that my insurance covers infertility to a point.  But after that point, we’re on our own.  And just the Natural IVF will cost a pretty penny on its own.  I feel like if this doesn’t work, it will be our last hope.  Because Traditional IVF will cost at least $14,000 out of pocket, we won’t be able to take that route until we get some bills paid.  And, on Friday, I found out my husband was laid off from his job.

At this point, I don’t want to believe that God might be giving us a definitive “no” but I need to prepare my heart for the worst case scenario.  Is there hope out there? I see happy news all the time, successful IVF stories.. but I know my God gives us the final answer.. this is truly a test of my faith and I am determined to get an “A”   -Regardless of the answer.

Coupon-mania!

I’m a closet stock-piler.  For those non-couponers out there, a stock pile is a collection of supplies, so to speak, things you might need for later use.  I have other stockpiles around the house: health/beauty stockpile is in my closet, kitchen/foods in the kitchen, laundry items in the laundry room.. etc.  Portions of my stockpile are carefully placed throughout  the house.  Perhaps to put ease to the eyesore it would be if it were all in one room.

I am a couponer.  But, I don’t consider myself an Extreme Couponer.. I think I’ll call myself a Need-Based Moderately-Conrolled Couponer (the longer the name, the more guilty I sound?).. After all, who knows when I (the only female in the house) will need a new ladies razor?  But when I do, I will have about 30 to choose from along with assorted shaving foam.  And how awesome is it that while I’m dreadfully receiving my monthly visit from Aunt Flo that I can just reach into my closet for ‘napkins’ of all shapes and sizes that I have gotten for FREE?!

It all started when my cousin started couponing.. She was super-excited about the amount of free or nearly free stuff she was getting.  At that time, my family was a single-income household of four and, and being a mom of 2 football players, groceries were at least $400 a month!  So I started learning and, boy, did I get a rush!  Can I seriously pay 50 to 75% less on my groceries and household items?

My first trip took me a good 3 hours to sift through my coupons, searching for deals.  My boys with me horsing around in the background, fellow shoppers passing me in the aisle, I must have looked like I was up to no good – Totally Unprepared.  But when it came to check out, I had to blink twice when I saw my first receipt!  Now, being a couple years into it, I have a healthy stockpile consisting of no more than 6 of the necessities at a time. I’ve learned quickly that our little 2-bedroom condo would not hold 80 rolls of paper towels!

That being said, my focus this Labor Day Weekend has been on cleaning and de-cluttering.  And though I might someday need 8 rolls of fly-trap paper in the future for whatever reason, I think it’s time to start making some donations!