The Big Scare (1st Trimester)

If you’re someone like me who’s been TTC (Trying to Conceive) for years (or even months), you know the desperate feeling of wanting that positive… Just one.  I got that positive a few weeks ago but having tried for so long, I still had my guard up.  I tested almost every morning and took a peek whenever I “went” to make sure there wasn’t any blood..

Yesterday I missed a morning dose of Crinone (progesterone).  I took it as soon as I got home from work (around 5pm) then took my regular 8pm dose.   I thought I was in the clear.

But, on my way to work this morning I felt that all too familiar feeling – the gush.  I got to work and there was no stopping it.  My pants were soaked.  2 large clots came out.  One was gunky white (looking back, I think it was the Crinone build up).  I was devastated.  I sat in my office bathroom for about 30 minutes crying to my nurse.  Then crying to my husband.  Finally calling my coworker to save me from humiliation.  She drove me home where I laid in bed as instructed.

My husband met me at home and we just sat there for 5 hours staring at the clock.. tick & tock….

I could still feel cramping off and on (like contractions).  I kept drinking water and waited till our 2pm appointment.  I started clearing out The Bump & What To Expect update emails from my inbox.  I started to uninstall the Pregnancy app from my phone. The contractions slowed and the bleeding turned to spotting.

We left for our appointment.  As we were driving, I kept praying that our doctor would be kind, sincere, & gentle when sharing the dreaded news.  I was relieved to see the lobby was empty when we got there.  I couldn’t break down in front of other hopeful-mom-patients.  The nurse called us back and I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop.  I sobbed while I told her what was going on, I cried when I undressed, I bawled when I laid on the cold bed.  The doctor came in and immediately said the nurse filled him in on my story.  He started the sonogram and immediately panned towards a little moving dot… a heartbeat.  A healthy 6-week-3-day-old growing baby with a heartbeat! (There was a small section of the sack that looked like it was separating – so the doctor doubled my progesterone)

I looked over and noticed my husband with a tear in his eye – the first time I’ve EVER seen him cry.

So, here we are:  On bed rest.  Light activity, limited to carrying 5lbs or less.  But we are still having a baby!

10289889_10152431231074679_4489361788655038711_nTHANKING GOD EVERY MINUTE!!!

Social Networking & the 1st Trimester

Well, I still have a week and a half until our first sonogram.  Until then, no daily bloodwork, no ultrasounds…. I’ve been left with no other source of validation than Dollar Store pregnancy tests, my wacky symptoms, and Google.  I still POAS (pee on a stick) every day, despite the very obvious nausea & swollen boobage.

And then there was Google.  Everyone knows that every google’d symptom leads to death.  If you sneeze, you might have contracted the west nile virus.  If you have a headache, it might be a concussion.  So, I try so very hard to stay away from Google.  But no one tells you NOT to join a pregnancy group website. 

Seems like a perfect next-step! Websites like whattoexpect.com and thebump.com provide great info from people who are on the same timeline.  You get the joy of sharing symptoms and ideas for announcing your pregnancy.  But, then there are posts from people who are checking their beta levels and comparing the “darkness” of each others pregnancy test lines, and then some ladies are very sadly miscarrying.

When you start going through all the posts…. ALL 1,051 of them… this time of joy & expectation will start to become a time of dissecting, anxiety, and fear.

I must unlink from these groups, just for now.  I MIGHT join later, maybe.

So, 1st Trimester-ers: CONGRATS! Tread lightly, and just Be.

 

1st Trimester (4 1/2 wks) Symptoms

2 More Weeks Till Our First Sonogram

Boy, oh boy (or girl), am I excited!

Until then, I thought I’d share what we’ve been doing with our time.  Well…. here is me counting days AFTER our 2nd Beta

1. Heavy feeling in lower abdomen.  A little pulling sensation on the right side. Found a coupon and bought an outfit… yep, shopping already

2. A bit tired, very thirsty. Went to Goodwill and picked up 2 pregnancy books, one for daddy and one for me = $2

3. Notice I’m drinking a lot of water, heavy feeling in lower abdomen. Bought 2 Dollar-Store pregnancy tests – for kicks 😉

4. Sleeping like a baby at night. Heavy feeling, boobs a bit sore. Took another test (they’re starting to pile up)

5. Gassy, sore boobs. Heavy feeling & cramping are pretty much gone… am I still pregnant??  Took another test: BFP

6. Irritated, gassy, sore boobs. Bought myself 2 bottles of Tums, carry one in my purse at all times.

7. Woke up super early with lots of energy so I cleaned the house. Wore myself out around 9am.

8. Food doesn’t taste the same?? Isn’t it too early for this?  When I take off my bra, it’s like a load just plops down on me (can’t think of another way to say it).

9. Boobs hurt like Never Before! Agh! Sleepy and very thirsty.

10.Not super-nauseous, but finding that foods I usually like don’t agree with my tastebuds. I finally downloaded a pregnancy app… I recommend the one from “The Baby Center” (also tried, the What to Expect app, and prefer the website)