Social Networking & the 1st Trimester

Well, I still have a week and a half until our first sonogram.  Until then, no daily bloodwork, no ultrasounds…. I’ve been left with no other source of validation than Dollar Store pregnancy tests, my wacky symptoms, and Google.  I still POAS (pee on a stick) every day, despite the very obvious nausea & swollen boobage.

And then there was Google.  Everyone knows that every google’d symptom leads to death.  If you sneeze, you might have contracted the west nile virus.  If you have a headache, it might be a concussion.  So, I try so very hard to stay away from Google.  But no one tells you NOT to join a pregnancy group website. 

Seems like a perfect next-step! Websites like whattoexpect.com and thebump.com provide great info from people who are on the same timeline.  You get the joy of sharing symptoms and ideas for announcing your pregnancy.  But, then there are posts from people who are checking their beta levels and comparing the “darkness” of each others pregnancy test lines, and then some ladies are very sadly miscarrying.

When you start going through all the posts…. ALL 1,051 of them… this time of joy & expectation will start to become a time of dissecting, anxiety, and fear.

I must unlink from these groups, just for now.  I MIGHT join later, maybe.

So, 1st Trimester-ers: CONGRATS! Tread lightly, and just Be.

 

1st Trimester (4 1/2 wks) Symptoms

2 More Weeks Till Our First Sonogram

Boy, oh boy (or girl), am I excited!

Until then, I thought I’d share what we’ve been doing with our time.  Well…. here is me counting days AFTER our 2nd Beta

1. Heavy feeling in lower abdomen.  A little pulling sensation on the right side. Found a coupon and bought an outfit… yep, shopping already

2. A bit tired, very thirsty. Went to Goodwill and picked up 2 pregnancy books, one for daddy and one for me = $2

3. Notice I’m drinking a lot of water, heavy feeling in lower abdomen. Bought 2 Dollar-Store pregnancy tests – for kicks 😉

4. Sleeping like a baby at night. Heavy feeling, boobs a bit sore. Took another test (they’re starting to pile up)

5. Gassy, sore boobs. Heavy feeling & cramping are pretty much gone… am I still pregnant??  Took another test: BFP

6. Irritated, gassy, sore boobs. Bought myself 2 bottles of Tums, carry one in my purse at all times.

7. Woke up super early with lots of energy so I cleaned the house. Wore myself out around 9am.

8. Food doesn’t taste the same?? Isn’t it too early for this?  When I take off my bra, it’s like a load just plops down on me (can’t think of another way to say it).

9. Boobs hurt like Never Before! Agh! Sleepy and very thirsty.

10.Not super-nauseous, but finding that foods I usually like don’t agree with my tastebuds. I finally downloaded a pregnancy app… I recommend the one from “The Baby Center” (also tried, the What to Expect app, and prefer the website)

 

 

How Do I Write This Post? (IVF)

In short, I’m Pregnant!

For 3+ years, I’ve been trolling blogs and infertility forums.  Wishing and dreaming that the “BFP” (Big Fat Positive) post would be something I could share one day.

I never planned how I would announce this special moment – and now I am just speechless.

I’m pregnant.  ***Let me just let that sink in*** I have a little one (maybe two) growing inside me.

Still in shock.

On Wednesday, I had a hunch. I was still very crampy, I felt like my cycle was coming on any minute now… but it was different.  So I drove to CVS and bought a test.  I couldn’t believe how quickly the “+” showed up.  I couldn’t wait to tell hubby in person, so I emailed him this picture:

20140430_083509We bought these booties years ago, when we first started “trying”… I had to dig them out from the back of the closet, forgot all about them – until now.

He was speechless.  Next thing I knew, he was at the door – he came home from work to give me a hug. We both didn’t know what to say!

That evening I spotted just a little, so I took another test – still positive.  I called the doctor the next morning and they took a blood test – still positive.

Last night I took another test – still positive. I am in awe. And I’m grateful to God, so grateful.

I have another beta (blood) test tomorrow morning so I am praying all is well!

Here were/are my symptoms:

d1p5dt: Cramps

d2p5dt: Cramps, feel like my period is about to start, irritated

d3p5dt: Cramps – front to lower back, irritated, sleepy, breasts sore

d4p5dt: same

d5p5dt: same

d6p5dt: same, and gassy (Clearblue Plus: BFP)

d7p5dt: Cramping subsided a bit but keep feeling a twinge in my lower abdomen, gassy, breasts still sore (Clearblue Plus: BFP, Beta positive: 60-something-something… I was in such shock, I forgot the numbers)

d8p5dt: Less cramping, twinge still in my lower abdomen (hard to explain), nauseous… (First Signal: BFP)

 

 

Stress (IVF)

Today is 3dp5dt (3 Days Past 5 Day Transfer – to further detail, we transferred (2) previously-frozen 5-day-old embryos into my uterus 3 days ago).  Phew…. my oh my, how the TTC (Trying To Conceive) World can be so complicated!

The first couple days I tried to stay as low-key as possible, laying in bed most of the day on Thursday (Day of Transfer)

The second day, my son and I went to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and Redbox movies.  I took advantage of the motorized shopping cart.. you know, the little cart that you can ride in?  Positives: Got me around the store without much effort & that baby can make a sharp U-ey at any given time!  Negatives: You must tolerate the VERY loud beeping noise when reversing & it is really super slow.

Yesterday, my son had an event we committed to months ago which was 45 minutes away, so I drove him there.  Spent some time sitting at the mall, thinking I’d have to turn around and get him but ended up going back home to lay in bed.

Anyway, here are my symptoms, yesterday I had major cramping like I was about to have my period… stat!  The cramping went all through the front of my lower abdomen to my lower back.  This morning, I just felt “blahh” like I might have a cold, and I am IRRITATED with everyone.  Which leads me to the topic of my post… Stress.

Little did we know how much stress-level comes into play upon post-transfer.  After all, our doctor looked my husband in the eye during our pre-op appointment and said, “she is not to lift a finger” & “treat her like a princess”  But, since Thursday it has been nothing but easy asking him so much as to give me a glass of water.  He sighs and complains, and argues when I get up to do it myself.  Yet, it wouldn’t happen if I waited.  So, the stress level is HIGH. Super-High – especially having to drive my son to his event without any offer from my husband – and his refusal to come along, when asked. 

So, HOW do I remain stress-free?  These 5 days post-transfer are truly critical to the success of this transfer and I am hitting walls in getting the support I need. 

This isn’t a question of if he wants the baby…. I know he does.  After all, last year, I absolutely resolved to the idea that we wouldn’t have children.  But he pushed and talked so much about it that I gave in and asked him to look me in the eye and tell me if he wanted to go through the IVF process.  Well, you know the answer (because I am here today).  But, the past few days he has been nothing but distant and unsupportive.

Well, 9 more days till test day.  Hoping it will get better, but in the meantime, I’ll try find ways to stay stress-free on my own.

 

 

 

 

Transfer Day (FET) & The Full Bladder

I would have titled yesterday’s event as “The Full Bladder” had it not been for the very important event that took place. Why?  Because when they ask you to have a full bladder, that will be about the only thing on your mind for at least 30 minutes before the transfer.  In fact, I think I tried to be an overachiever because I had to relieve myself a couple times before the appointment.

So, for those going through IVF – when they tell you to have a full bladder, my suggestion is to know how quickly your bladder fills up before you start drinking!

Today is the day after transfer… I feel cramping. Like little pulling here and there.. It may have been something I ate, may be gas, excitement, nerves.  You name it.  And I’m tired.  Not sure if it’s all in my head.  So don’t take this as a go-to reference just yet! 

Anyway, thanks all for your thoughts and positive words, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Pre-Transfer (FET) Part 2

Well, it’s 6:02am. I could hardly sleep last night. I’ve been tossing and turning.  I’m like a kid at Christmas. When do I get to open my gift??

Hubby, on the other hand, is happily snoring away.

4 1/2 more hours until transfer

3 1/2 more hours till I can start drinking water – for a full bladder

Should I take another prenatal vitamin?? I want my body to be extra ready for the embryos

Should I clean?

I’m hungry – but it’s too late to eat…

I lay on one side and my butt cheek hurts, I lay on the other and my butt cheek hurts….

Thoughts….. All these thoughts are going through my head….. It’s transfer day!

Transfer-Eve (FET)

It’s almost time, I can hardly wait! 12 hours from now I’ll be in the lobby of the doctor’s office eagerly anticipating the welcome of 2 little embryos.

It’s been 2 months since the retrieval and, as time ticks closer to transfer day, the emotions swirl.  It’s not doubt. Maybe it’s fear. After all, we’ve been trying for almost 3 years.  IUIs, injections, suppositories, pills, herbal remedies, acupuncture, hypnosis, Chinese tea…. You name it, we’ve done it.  Then we took a year off to breathe.  My, what a break can do: I felt renewed.  And I felt like it gave my husband and me time to get back on the same page.

We confidently dove into the IVF process.  Not knowing the full process, each step has been a “first experience” for us both.

And now, less than a day away, we will have our biggest chance yet of having a child of our own.  I went to church this evening.  They have classes on Wednesdays.  Hubby and I decided to go to a Biblical Thinking class – it was just what I needed.  I realized that I need to stop looking to myself in this and start looking to God.  And that gives me peace.

I’m ready! SO ready for tomorrow: TRANSFER DAY!

Countdown! (IVF FET Cycle)

I had my check this morning… and I couldn’t have asked for better news – my lining looks good!

For you football fans: It’s like one of those games where your team is down by 2 points and you intently watch as the kicker attempts a 45 yd field goal…. and the crowd goes silent…. you just want to hear those two words: “It’s Good”…. and that’s what I heard today. IT’S GOOD!!

So countdown begins, transfer day is Thursday. 

I’m currently taking Lupron & Delestrogen (which I’ve been complaining about for almost a month).  Instead of lessening the meds, they have now added Progesterone in Oil, a steroid, and antibiotic to the protocol.

But I have no care in the world right now….. Countdown is ON!

Lupron Day 21 (FET Cycle)

Well, today is Day 21 on Lupron and tomorrow will be my 4th dose of Delestrogen.  My next appointment will be Thursday, a possible pre-op appointment.

ImagePhoto Credit to Google Search

 

I feel like I need to write today.  Most of the time, I plan my posts hours before I actually write them…. but today, I just feel like I need to write my little heart out.  You don’t necessarily need to read this…. this is just me blogging today.

As I was saying I’m on Day 21 of Lupron…. 21 days of shots every morning – not to mention the 1 1/2″ needle that goes into the top of my rear end every 3 days…. can I say I’m hormonal?????  I believe it’s the Lupron that makes me have hot flashes.  I could barely sleep last night because at one minute I was burning up from inside… then extremely cold the next.

And I Just Want To Cry

Really, I’m eager and excited for what is to come.  I am hopeful.  I don’t want to complain.

But these meds are no joke.  Now I understand why they have IVF support group, mentors, forums, blogs…. we need all the support we can get.  And if it was easy to tell outsiders what we’re going through, then it wouldn’t be so difficult.  Dare I say that the closest of friends, family, even spouses have no clue what us IVF-ers feel like having extreme levels of hormones injected into you every day (sometimes twice a day).  What makes it worse, is when you have an emotional day – they take it personally and the stress level rises when you feel like you have to carefully construct conversations when you really want to just SCREAM, and CRY.

3 more days…. THREE more days till my next doctor’s appointment.  I can wait. Please God, let Thursday come quick!

 

 

Lupron (IVF FET) Week 2

Recipe for Crazy

1 pill Birth Control

1 shot Lupron

Take Lupron in the morning and Birth Control in the evening. Everyday, indefinitely.

 

Had another check up.  It has now been a full 5 weeks since egg retrieval.  Our 6 little blastocysts have been patiently waiting for my body to prepare for them.  I’m now on my 4th straight week of birth control and 2nd week of Lupron.

For those of you who have already paid your due diligence on this lupron/birth control cocktail, God bless you.  I’m sure that symptoms are different with each patient, but for me……

I am at my wits end. I have hot flashes like it’s coming from my core.  Then I get cold…. chills cold.  I want to cry at EVERYTHING. I attended a pre-screening of Draft Day yesterday, which was a great movie.  And I CRIED when the Kevin Costner character made his draft pick. I can usually contain a good cry but for some reason I couldn’t.  I feel like my insides (my nerves) are on edge.  I want to cry, scream, sleep… all at the same time. I’m tired, achy, throwing up… and my hair is falling out… is that normal?

It doesn’t help that my boys have picked this very month to have their own teenager problems.  It also doesn’t help that my husband considers every outburst as a “mood swing”. It’s at these very times when I need the support of my family, but on the outside I look “normal” so to them, I’m just crazy. On top of that, my car broke down twice and overheated 3 times.

I had my doctor’s appointment this morning.  My ovaries look better, well rested.  Thank goodness.  But my lining is still a bit thick.  Which means I could be looking at another week (or 2) on this dreaded Lupron cocktail.  I NEED SUPPORT.  Seriously. I don’t want to give up, but this medicine is draining all good things out of me.

Note to My Normal Self: Come back please! I miss you!

P.S. In writing this post, I looked up the word “Patient” (for spell-check purposes) and it came up with various synonyms: enduring, easygoing, tolerant, serene….. None of which describes me, the patient (noun), right now.  Ahh, the double entendre.