The Rat Race is Tiring

Hi, its been a while. And I know it seems like I only log into my blog to vent. Its my fault, really. I dont keep a diary. I have prayed & talked it out with my husband. But I still need to get it out. And where else than to my tiny, semi-anonymous circle of blogger-friends. So…. I am just here to say, the Rat Race is Tiresome. I have been at my company for 15 years. Fresh out of high school, I started as a temp. Then worked my way up, for 3 positions. Then came to a plateau. I stayed in my last position for 9 years and had to make a decision. I was offered a level-up at a different division (within the company) and a level-up within my current team.  Hesitant and afraid of change, i stayed within my team.. and boy, does it feel like a mistake. Little did I know the company was going to lay off thousands of people the week i come back from maternity leave. And they added 2 more people to our team. My hopes to move up have quickly gotten pushed back. The newbies are getting more recognition than I ever received.  And now i feel under-rated, under-paid, & under-appreciated. Some things I dont seem right, but I feel like I’d be risking my job if i say anything. I want to move up and move out. But I’ve been with this company so long.. the benefits are great. Not to mention, with my tenure, I’ve earned 4 weeks of vacation a year…. is it worth the risk to look elsewhere?  Because it’s a large corporation, should i stick it out?? All these questions. And its just so irritating.  I want more. But i feel like its not going to happen.

The thing is, I’ve never been a real extrovert. I’m a little awkward, socially. My voice sounds childish and I’m a bit petite. I have been around so long that i think its too late to reinvent myself. Honestly, i think my mentor (work sponsor) even feels like our new team addition is a better fit than me. And if I changed up now, everyone would know (or think) its an act. But something needs to change. What I’ve been doing all along is NOT working.  And i don’t want to change WHO i am. I just want to change my circumstances. But how? And which path should i take?

 

Im going to keep this one post as my “work vent”. This post will change and grow over time…. and hopefully be deleted one day…